


Meet Me in the Hallway

by UncertaintyAngel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 7 is a biblical number, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Cas is dead, Coda, Coping Mechanisms, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Mentioned Castiel - Freeform, Not Beta Read, Not Eating, Sam Takes Care Of Dean, Winchester Coping Mechanisms, You get the idea, dean doesn't eat for a while, dean is greiving, greiving, implied deanxcas, its really just dean hardcore grieving for 7 days, lots of grieving, references to Shiva although I'm not jewish but the concept makes sense to me, s12e23
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-02 11:16:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10943394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UncertaintyAngel/pseuds/UncertaintyAngel
Summary: The first 7 Days of Grieving are hard on Dean.*Coda for the season 12 finale*originally posted on twitter*not beta read





	Meet Me in the Hallway

**Author's Note:**

> Listen the first chapter is shit bc I posted it originally as a twitter thread, so I was keeping things short and sweet. Chapter two will be more in detail I promise.

Nothing had changed in Cas's room since it happened. Not a thing. Cas hardly had any belongings, but it was still Cas's room. Hardly touched and kept neat.There was nothing for Dean here, but he couldn't move. He was numb, except he wasn't, he was in excruciating pain, 

There was nothing for Dean here, but he couldn't move. He was numb, except he wasn't, he was in excruciating pain. He didn't know what to do, what was there left to do? He'd put what he had left of Cas away in Cas's room -- coat on the hanger, shoes at the foot of the bed, angel blade on the shelf. He couldn't keep them in his own room, it would haunt him, to feel Cas's things call to him every time he slept, just like it had when he kept the tattered remains of his old coat in baby's trunk all those years ago. Point is, it would've hurt too much, so he put them away. Coat on the hanger, shoes by the bed, blade on the shelf, old coat in the trunk, flannels he'd stolen from dean hanging on the bed post and peaking out of slightly ajar dresser drawers.

He should've left, should have closed off the room, kept it nice just for memories sake. Except he couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. At one point he started praying, just a silent stream of prayers to whoever would listen, even through half a dozen panic attacks. He asked chuck to bring Cas home, asked Cas to just wake up and that if he did he'd be waiting, asked the angels to just  _fucking_ do something... hell he even asked Amara to fix it.

He couldn't remember when it happened, maybe around the fourth or fifth panic attack, but he'd slumped against the patch of wall beside the doorframe, ass on carpet that had gone ignored, knees half way to his chest, arms loose in his lap.

 

Dean loses track of time. Occasionally, Sam will bring him food and something to drink, telling him he needs to eat, but he never does. He just sits in the same damn spot for god knows how long; waiting.

 

Waiting for cas to just show up and take his breathe away again, waiting for Cas to come back so he could yell at him like always, except...

Except he doesn't wanna yell to hide his fear anymore he just wants to hold him, god he wishes he could hold him again, wishes he could...

Wishes he could've said 'i love you' when he had the chance. Wishes he could go back now.

Wishes everything could just be alright.

 

Sam pushes him every couple hours to get him to eat something, drink something: water, liquor, or coffee it doesn't matter as long as he does. But dean doesn't eat, he doesn't drink, he hardly even moves.

 

On the night of Day 2, sam sits with him, up against Cas's dusty desk. He doesn't say anything, he just sits. Dean appreciates that. 

 

Day 3, Dean nibbles on half a turkey sandwich before he feels sick again. Sam figures it'll take baby steps, but he'll get there.

 

Day 4, Dean denies it ever happened. He waltzes right into the kitchen, laptop in hand, same dirty clothes from the night Cas died. "There's some weird crap going down just outside of Albequirki, I think we should go check it out." Sam think's he's too eager, pushing himself into false positivity, so he asks about Cas. When he gets an almost overly confident, "He's just out on a case, Sammy, Cas is fine," Sam knows he's in denial.

 

Day 5 Dean practically drinks half his body weight in liquor. Sam finds him slumped over polaroids and off colored printouts of picture's Dean had taken of Cas. "Remember that time he drank a whole liquor store, Sammy, remember that?" Dean slurs hysterically, eyes red, same dirty clothes. "And the bees," he laughed, "Naked on my car covered in bees, Sammy." 

Sam supports his weight and drags him to his own room this time. Dean practically falls into his mattress, and just when Sam thinks he's out, Dean grabs his arm and looks at him with a raw and broken expression. "He told me he loved me, Sammy, why didn't I say it back?"

 

On day 6 of 7 (Sam figures it'll take 7, biblical numbers and all) he finally gets Dean into the shower. He's covered in sweat and feverish, and Sam can't take the smell of him anymore. Dean complains and gripes the whole time, but finally, gives in shaking in his brother's arms. Sam figures Dean can allow himself to be taken care of for once, and if he saw his brother cry, it must have been the water.

 

On day 7, Dean finally finishes half his meal. He changed into an old baggy sweatshirt and worn jeans, washed baby, did the dishes, cleaned everything he could get his hands on (aside from Cas's room and usual chair), let Sam check his leg, did the laundry, cleaned his gun, he wore himself out, got himself a new routine, locked up his phone and all the old pictures of Cas in his nightstand drawer...

Sam knew the drill, Dean was going to avoid and avoid, and avoid until it got to be too much and he broke again. But at least he was eating, and he was hydrated and moving, and getting closer to being his usual self. 

 

When Sam finally asked how he was doing, Dean huffed like he was going to lose his breath again. "I'm just trying to get better, for Cas, cause he hated it when I moped around." Dean's is voice shook when he uttered their friend's name, and almost looked like he was going to break down again. Sam almost worried he would, and they'd have to start the grief cycle all over again. But then Dean pulled himself together, picked at the newspaper in his hand, and looked up at him from his chair. "I'm gonna get better Sammy, for him. And maybe... maybe chuck will bring him back I dunno, but if he does... If he does come back, I don't wanna be somethin' he needs to fix all the time, Sam. I just want to be good, for him, okay?"

Dean looked at him and spoke with an edge in his voice that sounded so desperate, all Sam could do was give him a nod. Once he did, Dean focused back on the paper in his hands, and circled another job listing in the town paper. 


End file.
